Remembering my Mom; Jeana Stanley July 25th, 1965 – June 26th, 2020

A week ago today, I went through the heart-aching process of burying my beloved mother. My world became darker, but heaven got a whole lot brighter.

I truly can’t believe you’re gone, but I also can’t believe how lucky I was to have you as my mom. I never had to look far for a role model or a best friend, you were always there. You’re still here, and you’ll always be with me. If I didn’t know what I was living for before, I know for certain I’m living for you now.

 

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I still don’t have all the words to say because I’m so so hurt that you had to leave so suddenly and so young. But I wanted to re-share something I wrote for Mother’s Day just last year.

I love you Mom, forever and a day.

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While today the strong female is a rising figure, for me a strong female role model has been a thread throughout my whole life. I think of how I move about my life day to day, how strongly my positive outlook, my friendships and relationships, my organization, my dream making and goal setting have all been shaped by the steady presence and teaching of my mom and my grandma.

I can hardly sort the words to express my unconditional love and appreciation for these women, but I’ll give it a try.

Mom

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I found a photo this weekend that left me pondering my mother’s relationship to her mother. Was it similar to our mother daughter relationship? The photo made it seem so. How she was shaped by her mother isn’t all that apparent to me, but i know how I’ve been shaped by  my own mother.

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My mom is organized, meticulous, and thoughtful. She shows her love through her attention to detail, never missing an important date, celebrating even the smallest occasions, and always encouraging our dreams and goals with action steps and support.

She is truly one of the hardest-working people I know. Pursuing a career in finance, she has risen to the top of her game as the Vice President of Finance for Hearst Corporation. A major accomplishment as she’s the first black woman to hold that high of a position in the company. Being black and a female has never been a hinderance for her, and she reminds me that it should never be a barrier for me either.

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As we grow older, our childhood becomes distorted by the nature of reality. I remember my mom being busy, leaving us with family friends or grandparents often. I never resented her for it, then or now. But as a young adult, I realized how much she had on her plate and how well she was still able to manage.

I can only imagine the days when she didn’t think she could do it. And when those days have come along for me, she never let me believe it to be true, and she still doesn’t.

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I see my mother in myself with each to-do list I make, each goal I set, each dream I dream. I see my grandma in how I care for others, how I give my love freely and selflessly.

These are the women who made me who I am today, the women who have never faltered as role models, who have competed against their odds. I find the thought of me being in this world without them one day frightening, but I only hope to be half the role model that they’ve been to me.

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